Sleeping Through The Night

I hope I am not alone in the struggle in getting your child to sleep through the night. I am torn when I hear that little cry. I always wonder, what if he is hurt or what if he is scared. My husband assures me that he is just crying because he wants me to go in and get him. How can he be so sure? In my heart I am just torn, do I get up and get him or do I just continue to let him cry. Logically I know my husband is right, but emotionally it is rough.

Last night was just such a night. I think I feel more guilty because I am not home with Mason during the day. So when he cries I immediately want to run to his aid and bring him in bed with me, very bad habit, I know. Mason actually did not like to sleep in our bed with us. He has the top sheet fear that Matt does. He tosses and turns all night. I have actually been quite content to let him sleep in his own bed because it spares me the discomfort of sleeping with a little chubby bum in my face. But last week he got sick. He was the sickest I have ever seen. He threw up for four days straight and it was within this space of time that his love for my bed occurred and I enjoyed it. He actually cuddled with me (normally he is not a cuddling type of child) and he decided that he likes to cuddle up next to me in my warm bed. But now the war has been waged. He has decided that sleeping in my bed is far more comfortable than his own. Hence my torn heart. I now have a baby that wants to cuddle with me all of a sudden and here I am letting him scream himself back to sleep in his own bed. What is a mother to do? I so know the answer to this, of course let him cry, it will be better for him in the long run. But ugg, why is it so hard? Plus who would not want this cute little face snuggling up next to them.

I personally think that raising children is far more traumatizing for the mother than the child. We watch our children go through the hurt and the pain of growing up and sometimes we have to step back and just let them. It just pulls at my heart strings. I guess this is my inner battle. Sometimes being the mother I need to be conflicts with the mother that I want to be in the moment. Anyone else with me on that one?

My ultimate goal is to be an involved mother, who teaches her children to know right from wrong. I want to have a relationship with my children where they want to talk to me and where they want to be at home. I just want to create this amazing environment of peace, learning and happiness. I want them to know who God is and that He loves them and that they know about his sacrifice for them. I want them to love God and love their parents. I just have this awesome vision of what I want my family to be and sometimes it is hard to create that while I am work all day.

Ok, there are my feelings for the morning. I am resolved that now that they are out I shall not dwell on them all day. Today I will remember the kiss Levi blew me as he walked up to the door at school and I will remember Mason climbing up on my lap before I went to work and sharing my bagel with me. I have so many good things in my life and today I will be grateful for them and I will be grateful for the ability to recognize the things I need to change and grateful for the strength God can give me to do it.

I hope everyone has a fabulous day!