To Eat or Not to Eat, that is the question

Ok All,
So normally I am a calorie counting, weigh myself two times a day, health food junkie, freak. That's right, there is my confession. I have a job where at sit at my desk almost all day long. Those of you who do the same are ever aware of the pancake butt and thigh feeling. I obsess about this because in the first 2 years at my job I gained 20 pounds. While my mother will always say that I looked great and that I needed to gain those 20 pounds, I was just not comfortable with my wobbley bits.

So after having my 2nd child my obsession began again in full force. I was exercising like crazy, no kidding, running 6 miles a day. I am proud to say that I have lost the baby weight and a little more, yea me! Right? At the present moment I am a moderate exerciser, but as stated above am fanatic about what I eat. I won't bore you with all of the obsessive compulsive details. But the real reason for my post is that for the last two days all I have wanted to do was eat and I mean eat. I am talking pizza, coconut cake, McDonalds french fries, a chocolate shake, little Dove chocolate caramels. The inner chubby girl in me wants to be fed!I think I partly blame this sudden change on "Eat, Pray, Love". Watching her devour all of that yummy food was just too much for my senses. I now need to indulge.

My sister, friend and co-worker, Jessica, is always making fun of  my deranged ways of eating. She periodically will throw food at me and have "feed the skinny girl" day. But she finally understood how I felt when in Eat, Pray, Love she said how much food she ate was proportionate to the amount of self-loathing she did in the shower the next day. Yep, ladies and gents, that is me. Examining my every curve, every indentation where cellulite has decided to reside and every part of stretchy skin that somewhat resembles jello jigglers.

But these last two days have somewhat changed me. I am throwing caution to the wind! I am going to eat! Rejoice inner chubby girl, you shall be fed! Actually I think what I have learned the most is moderation. I don't have to hate myself for eating that large size fry from Mc Donalds. I can be happy eating healthy because I am taking care of my body and I have more energy to devote to those two cute boys of mine. I guess what I am saying is that I can be happy, eating yummy food (the healthy stuff or the junk). It's ok to be a health food junkie and it's ok to eat the junkie food on occasion too! Anyway there is my rant for today and while I might always ask myself, to eat or not to eat, I might be a little more inclined to eat those yummy little pieces of Dove chocolate without hesitation. :)